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Blog Entrysebatang rokokFeb 13, '08 1:21 AM
for everyone

Namaku Kau-Tahu-Siapa-Aku.

Aku adalah sebatang rokok.

Sepertinya sebatang rokok benar-benar sebuah kenyataan, ketika ayahku selalu berkata bahwa istrinya adalah botol-botol berisi Vodka. Jangan biarkan botol selalu terisi, jangan biarkan sloki selalu kosong, begitu katanya setiap kali.

Aku tak tahu, aku adalah sebatang rokok.

Ibuku selalu mengajariku membedakan dada kiri dan dada kanan. Inilah dada kiri, bila kau sentuh itu, kau akan menjadi pahlawan di mata wanita. Dan ini adalah dada kanan, bila kau meremasnya, wanita akan tergila-gila padamu. Begitu kata ibuku sambil dia membuka seluruh pakaiannya dan bermasturbasi di depanku, merangsangku dan mengajakku bermain cinta. Aku mulai terangsang!

Aku hanyalah sebatang rokok.

Kuperkosa otakku dengan buku-buku dan filsafat-filsafat. Aku menjadi abu dan asap. Tidak terbang aku malah tersenyum sendiri. Menyaksikan konyolnya penciptaan-penciptaan yang diawali dari sebuah ketidak puasan dan lalu mencoba-mencoba.

Aku memang sebatang rokok.

Sebatang rokok yang menjadi budak paradigma sebuah cermin dari siluet api-api kejantanan. Padahalkah aku betina? Awan-awan yang menggumpal dalam neuron-neuron di otakku telah memadamkan api-api itu.

Akankah aku sebatang rokok?

Sebab malam hari ini tak ada sebatangpun rokok di kamarku. Sedang insomnia telah sukses menyerang anak mataku. Kelopak indah di mataku telah hilang seperti seorang biksu yang memotongnya dan lalu melemparkannya ke tanah, menjadi sebuah tanaman.

Aku adalah sebatang rokok.

Dengan segelas teh manis menemaniku. Aku menjadi seorang pemimpi. Selalu mimpi diangkat dari sebuah peti mati. Bukankah mimpi indah telah sekian lama membuaiku dalam ketidak mampuan? Jadi keluar dari peti mati akan lebih indah daripada masuk kedalamnya.

Akulah sebatang rokok.

Ketika Robert Jhonson memainkan slide gitarnya mengiringi teriakan Dylan dalam sebuah pertunjukan mimpi-mimpi keabadian. Iskandar duduk di kursi VIP bersama keanggunan seekor Cleopatra. Venus melayang memperhatikan[1] pantat seksinya padaku, telanjang. Payudaranya begitu indah!

Oh, Tuhan! Aku telah menjadi sebatang rokok.

Rokok kretek atau rokok putih. Dengan atau tanpa filter. Light atau bukan. Aku tetap sebatang rokok. Yang akan segera mati dalam penantian dan dada tak tenang. Ketika itu tubuhku telanjang. Dicumbu para pelacur dan mati ketika ejakulasi.

 

Aku sebatang rokok.

Dalam puncak; Kematian dan Orgasmus.

 

 

Bandung, medio 1999

 


[1] Kata “memperhatikan” dalam kalimat ini maksudnya adalah memperlihatkan atau memamerkan. Sengaja memakai kata ini sebab ada imaji yang berbeda ketimbang memakai kedua kata yang lainnya, alasan lainnnya bahwa kata ini memiliki kekuatan mistis yang tak diduga sebelumnya, bahkan oleh saya sendiri. Meskipun janggal, saya tetap akan mempertahankannya. “Memperhatikan” jika dipakai dalam kalimat ini akan menggetarkan jiwa dan kepala. Dan pantat seksi terlalu dangkal apabila hanya diperlihatkan, diperhatikan memiliki kedalaman yang luar biasa.


Blog EntryAbu-Abu TercantikFeb 13, '08 1:11 AM
for everyone

        Menjadi tapi tidak terjadi. Mengada tapi tak ada. Begitulah sekira-kira adanya. Ada menjadikan tak-ada, tak-ada menjadikan ada. Begitupun juga sekira-kira ada-nya dan ke-tak-ada-annya.

        Hingga begitulah kami, saling mengada, saling mentak-ada, saling melengkapi dengan ribuan aksesoris kosmis yang pernah menjadi mimpi-mimpi muda kami.

        Kiranya beginilah saat abu-abu berada pada pose tercantiknya. Abu-abu tercantik. Bukan abu-abu terbaik. Aku tak begitu ingin mendapatkan yang terbaik dari abu-abu, cukup yang tercantik, yang terindah. Abu-abu yang memberikan siluet-siluet panjang pada frekwensi suara 1 kH, dengan spektrum-spektrum yang membuyar terbelah-belah pada frekwensi yang berbeda-beda dengan akronim non-acak mejikuhibiniu:

 

Merah: saat abu-abu sedang matang di pohon, siap di petik. Ranum, menggiurkan, menderaskan ludah menjadi lebih cair. Fresh! 

 

Jingga: saat abu-abu sangat matang, siap disantap. Tersaji pada meja makan, dengan pisau kupas disebelahnya, sensasi rasanya melonjak pada ujung-ujung lidah. Fade!

 

Kuning: saat abu-abu mengurai kiri dan kanan, mengurai perbedaan, mengurai interaksi, bersosial, mendikotomikan hitam dan putih. Taboo!

 

Hijau: saat abu-abu bermunculan dari dasar bumi, mencengkeram tanah, meresap air, menyejukan senyum dan tangis, meredakan tawa dan marah, segar.... Memanjakan mata, melonggarkan dada, menetralkan asap. Cool!

 

Biru: saat abu-abu mencoba bangkit, mewarnai kembali langit, mengkontras gunung dan tanah, mengharmoni laut, terbang berserakan menjadi selimut angkasa di langit utara di siang redup  tak berawan. Blue!

 

Nila: saat abu-abu terpuruk pada titik terendah dari kesakitan, terbangun, menggeliat, merusak putih pada titik terhitamnya, bersembunyi pada warna-warna coklat, berharap luntur. Tragic!

 

Ungu: saat abu-abu mendandani wajahnya, mengemas tubuhnya, memeras otaknya, menjadi cantik luar biasa, dengan berpuluh nama, ungu, violet, purple, magenta, gandaria,...venus...magdalena...kartini...woolf...eva...if...samantha...sekala.... Illana!

 

        Abu-abu tercantik, rumah kami sekarang, senyum kami sekarang, kerinduan kami sekarang, amarah kami sekarang, cinta kami sekarang, realitas kami sekarang, romantisme kami sekarang. Berpijak pada intuisi dan keyakinan, pada pikir dan emosi, tuhan dan dewa-dewi, pada ikatan pernikahan yang sudah kami laksanakan diatas pualam dan tergenangi air hangat, sehangat senyum kami berdua, sehangat tumpahan nafas di tumpukan setengah waktu file-file masa lalu kami berdua:

 

        Oh Tuhan dan Dewa-Dewi

        Kami berdua saling mencintai


Spek.1.

Waktu: A

 

Niskala menyiapkan tali gantungan yang sudah dia hitung setiap presisinya (lihat puisi pada Chapter II), proyektor berputar…

 

Method: Hanging

Recommendation: ***

Effort required: requires some preparation to accomplish cleanly.

Messiness: not very messy to clean up after.

Pain factor: quite unpleasant if you don't hit the rope hard enough to snap your neck, otherwise nearly painless.

Drama: very traditional and dramatic, unless someone happens to see you flailing away because your neck didn't snap.

Certainty of death: quite high unless your set up is cheesy.

Wimp option: very small chance of backing out once the rope is tight.

Other points: I've heard that your neck is more likely to snap if the knot is on the side of your neck instead of behind you. Make sure the drop is at least 6 feet before the rope goes taut. Don't use a stretchy or weak rope.

 

…dia digantung kaki ke atas kepala ke bawah gara-gara mengganggu teman-teman nya di panti asuhan saat makan.

 

Spek.2.

Waktu: A

 

Dia mendapatkan ShotGun itu dari salah seorang temannya, Kimung, pagi tadi. Moncong Shotgun dimasukan ke mulutnya, jari menyentuh trigger pembantai masa hidupnya. Visual di belakang kepalanya bermunculan…

 

Method: Shooting

Recommendation: ***

Effort required: if you already have a gun, almost none. if you don't have a gun I think there will be a waiting period and you have to be 18 to keep things legal. if you can get a gun illegally, then you know better than I.

Messiness: gloriously messy. most reliable weapons will destroy your face and remove the back of your head. even a mouth shot will mutilate your whole head more often than not.

Pain factor: none if you shoot to the head. if you survive, however, you will be permanently scarred and disabled.

Drama: awfully dramatic depending on where your brain plume ends up.

Certainty of death: quite high, but not absolutely certain. it depends on the weapon, but people have survived point-blank shotgun blasts to the face, so keep this in mind.

Wimp option: sure, until you pull the trigger.

Other points: Try to use the most powerful bullet you can. A shotgun is usually ideal, otherwise you will probably want a hollowpoint round. Keep in mind that handgun rounds regularly bounce off of skulls, especially if they strike at an angle. For some reason, people usually aim for the roof of their mouth. I'm guessing that the skull is thinnest here, but I'm not sure. Otherwise I've heard that the temples are thin also. Make sure that your intended bullet path will end up killing you and not just blow out the back of your throat. Remember that your gun may go off again when it hits the ground (potentially hitting anyone within a mile), and that it will be lying around after you die (people may decide to steal it, kids may play with it).

 

…tembakan yang telak di ulu hati saat mengetahui bahwa Dyah adalah kakak kandungnya.

 

Spek.4.

Waktu: A

 

…dia sangat teliti dan hati-hati, memperhitungkan setiap detil kemungkinan, agar sangat efektif dan masih terlihat indah dalam kamera…

…lantai 6 sudah cukup, dan yang jelas kehebohannya akan dirasakan hingga sepanjang tahun. Dia akan menjadi legenda…

 

Method: Jumping

Recommendation: *********

Effort required: probably not too much, although a really dramatic end may require you to do a bit of trajectory physics as well as a bit of climbing.

Messiness: variable. if found soon after hitting a river, you will probably be pretty intact. if it takes a bit longer than that, you will look really gross. a long, hard building jump on the other hand...

Pain factor: none if you die upon impact. if you survive you could be paralyzed, brain damaged, drowning, etc.

Drama: risky. can be quite high if planned well, but can also be humiliating if you float to the surface and survive. points for being steeped in tradition, though.

Certainty of death: if you don't mind a head first drop, pretty darn high. if you aren't sure if you can maintain that attitude, or if you want to fall feet first, pick a tall structure.

Wimp option: I don't know. bring a parachute?

Other points: I'm sorry, I don't have any reliable figures on heights, nor any idea of the security at the top of skyscrapers. Make sure you don't accidentally hit anybody. If you can die from a fall, whoever you hit can die as well.

 

…dia masih sangat ingat adegan itu, saat dia kecil, meloncat dari pohon bambu ke tengah-tengah sawah, kepala duluan. Kepalanya nyungsep kedalam lumpur sawah musim tanam.

 

Spek.5.

Waktu: A

 

dia membersihkan suntikan itu dengan alkohol, dia tidak mau mati karena kuman-kuman atau virus yang ada di suntikan itu yang akan membunuhnya. Dia ingin mati karena ada cairan yang disedotnya keluar hingga habis dan tubuhnya langsung mati karena tidak memiliki cairan itu. Di membenamkan ujung logam tajam itu kedalam kulitnya. Menyedot cairan itu pelan-pelan…

Kepalanya mendenyarkan gambar-gambar bergerak…

 

Method: Water Ingestion

Recommendation: ****

Effort required: massively, uncomprehendably great. unless you are insane, you will probably not want to bother.

Messiness: as far as I know, pretty darn clean.

Pain factor: incredibly, exquisitely painful.

Drama: arguably very high if someone fully understands what you did.

Certainty of death: well, I've actually heard of at least one guy who pulled it off, but I wouldn't count on it.

Wimp option: awfully good, in fact you will probably have a hard time not aborting the operation.

 

…ketawa habis hingga hampir mati saat menghisap ganja dengan teman-teman bandnya dalam sebuah after-party. Saat itu Niskala merasakan ada gairah tertahan di mata Ervi, kerinduan akan Sex di mata Yanne, kebosanan di mata Erva, kesabaran di mata Karna, cinta (entah pada siapa) di mata If. Niskala ingin memenuhi semua harapan sahabat-sahabatnya. Dia layani mereka satu-satu, memenuhi keinginan itu dengan sepenuh hati…

 

Spek.6.

Waktu: A

 

Justru karena dia tahu bahwa wanita itu HIV positif maka dia mau tidur dengannya.

Niskala membuat malam itu menjadi sangat temaram dan berbau melati dan cempaka, gadis itu sudah terlentang di atas ranjang, telanjang, siap menerima terkaman tubuh Niskala di atas tubuhnya. Gadis itu tahu dia sedang berbagi, berbagi virus-virus yang ada di tubuhnya kepada lelaki yang sudah menjadi teman baiknya sejak lama dalam scene indie di Bandung…

 

Method: Screwing

Recommendation: ********

Effort required: quite a bit, but most of it fairly enjoyable

Messiness: eventually this will get to be quite messy as you are hospitalized and slowly lose your health and faculties.

Pain factor: quite painful if you eventually do succeed in succumbing to a venereal disease. your death will be humiliating, and slow enough so that you will probably have worked out all of your problems by the time you actually do die.

Drama: there are two ways to look at this. on the one hand, you will be acting extremely nihilistically and self destructively. on the other, you will have a much better chance of succeeding if you screw nasty mounds of oozing sores.

Certainty of death: not very good unless you get AIDS. all other diseases can be treated to prevent you from dying.

Wimp option: well, it's hard to tell for sure, but your chances are pretty good if you quit early on.

Other points: Try to shoot for either AIDS or syphilis. AIDS will kill you almost for sure after 10 to 20 years. Syphilis is really cool. It can mimic the symptoms of almost any other disease, but will often eventually drive you insane. Neat or what? Keep in mind that you'll probably transmit your disease to lots of other people in the course of your actions.

 

…keluarganya sudah lebih dulu menularkan penyakit-penyakit itu kedalam tubuhnya, pikirannya. Ibunya, ayahnya, kakak-kakaknya, bahkan adiknya…aku memang sudah sakit jiwa sejak masih dalam kandungan…

 

Spek.7.

Waktu: A

 

Salah satu hal yang paling tidak dia sukai adalah kebut-kebutan, dia lebih senang menjalankan mobil atau motor dengan lambat. Menikmati perjalanan, katanya.

Tapi siang ini dia menjalankan motor itu pada kecepatan 200 km/jam di sela-sela mobil yang berseliweran berlawanan arah.

Motornya dengan telak menabrak sebuah pick-up yang terlambat mengelak. Tubuhnya terlempar, slow motion, berjuta-juta gambar seperti slide show berputar dengan cepat…

 

Method:

Auto Accident

Recommendation: ****

Effort required: none to some. you may want to scout a good position though.

Messiness: extremely messy. if you suffer enough damage to die, you will be splattered all over.

Pain factor: not too bad. even if you have to bleed to death, you probably won't feel all of your injuries very much.

Drama: so-so.

Certainty of death: not very good. make sure you are going to impact at a high velocity and remember that the only injuries that really matter are head wounds.

Wimp option: fine until you actually hit.

Other points: Don't slam into someone else with your car unless you mean it. Keep in mind that stepping in front of a bus will likely mentally scar the driver forever. This is one of the few ways to kill yourself 'accidentally' for insurance reasons, though, hence the points. Above all else , remember to check for air bags!

 

karena inilah, kenapa aku ingin sekali membuat perubahan yang besar, dimana tidak ada lagi korban yang tidak menyadari bahwa dirinya adalah korban. Ini bukan cuma tugas orang-orang yang meneliti dengan metode analisis wacana kritis saja, tapi kaum positivis harus kembali bangkit dan kaum konstruktivis terus melakukan gebrakan-gebrakan baru, katanya suatu hari dalam sebuah seminar yang terpaksa dihadirinya.

 

Spek.8.

Waktu: A

 

Pisau belati itu nyaris menancap di leher If, Niskala membiarkannya lama hanya pada titik nyaris. Hingga Polisi berdatangan. Pistol-pistol terhunus tepat pada bidikan kepala Niskala…

dari kepalanya muncul gambar-gambar bergerak dari masa lalu…

 

Method: Cop

Recommendation: *********

Effort required: sort of a lot. depends on your natural tendency toward violence.

Messiness: really messy.

Pain factor: if you aren't killed by a head shot this could be pretty painful. remember that these are sudden wounds though, thus more than likely not too bad.

Drama: usually awfully dramatic. even if you get caught, admitting that you were just trying to get yourself killed is still pretty dramatic. make sure to use a gun without bullets. this will look really cool in the investigation, especially if you had acted really menacing.

Certainty of death: not real great. some loser is always trying to knock you down without killing you.

Wimp option: pretty poor once you become a threat. the best case scenario would get you a lot of time in prison.

Other points: It's not that hard. Pull out a gun and point it at someone at some dramatic point. Keep this up until cops start training their weapons on you. Whenever you are ready and have said your piece, throw the hostage down and point your gun toward a cop. Police training is to never shoot unless lives are definitely threatened, then shoot to kill. Wounding shots will be accidental. Be sure to check behind you though, they won't want to shoot if there are civilians behind you. Remember that notes on your person could easily be destroyed by gunfire. If you are only wounded, keep making yourself a threat but don't give your intentions away. This can be combined with mass murder, which I talk about later on.

 

…dia terus berlari dan terus berlari dikejar hunusan golok, pentungan, pisau, teriakan-teriakan kasar, kunci rem mobil, stik soft ball, linggis, kapak, gergaji.

Dia terus berlari tanpa melihat ke belakang. Bang Budhi dan Mas Teddy menghentikan histeria massa dengan menghadang mereka tepat di depan hunusan benda-benda mengerikan tadi.  

 

 Spek.9.

Waktu: A

 

…dia terus berjalan, di atas batu terjal, di atas pasir, di pinggir danau, hingga dia menemukan sebuah gua. Dengan tidak membawa apa-apa dia duduk di gua itu, di bawah tetesan air. Menunggu…

Ingatannya mengalun pelan menjelma pada layar saat proyektor berputar.

 

Method: Starvation

Recommendation: *******

Effort required: quite a bit. probably one of the hardest things you will ever do.

Messiness: quite clean. in fact, this is one of the few methods that won't leave you with messy underwear.

Pain factor: the first day will be the hardest. after that you will lose most of your hunger pangs, but will soon get severe stomach cramps and lots of other problems off and on until you die.

Drama: way dramatic. if you can pull it off, you will be guaranteed the admiration of anyone with a clue.

Certainty of death: well, ultimately you will die, but people have a tendency to accost starving people and stick nutrient tubes down their noses or in their veins.

Wimp option: no problem. you should be fully recoverable until quite close to your death. this should take approximately 3 months.

Other points: Quicker than starvation is dehydration, but this won't be quite as fun. You won't get super skinny and you will probably have all sorts of disgusting sensations before you go. For example, a dry mouth tends to breed bacteria, resulting in hideous breath.

 

para raja  dahulu, saat sudah tua dan tidak produktif lagi, maka mereka ngahyang di tempat sepi, bermeditasi, menunggu, hingga ajal datang dengan sendirinya. Inilah kenapa para raja dulu sering kali dikatakan menghilang, menjelma menjadi harimau atau buaya.

Hal inilah yang dilakukan Niskala Wastukencana di masa tuanya. Ngahyang di Nusa Larang, Panjalu. Kematian seperti ini juga kerap dilakukan kucing, mati di kesepian dan tak ada seorangpun akan menemukan jejak kematian itu.

Dia menutup matanya, membukanya kembali, memandangi kuburan leluhurnya. Rajanya. Menutup buku cerita tentang leluhurnya itu.

  

Spek.10.

Waktu: A

 

  )!@#$%^&*(

 

Method: Alcohol

Recommendation: ****

Effort required: fairly low

Messiness: not too bad. you'll probably urinate on yourself, though.

Pain factor: strong alcohol tastes just godawful. I can't say for sure, but it doesn't sound like much fun.

Drama: not incredibly dramatic, but there isn't anything too tacky about the process. just make sure you can keep your drink down.

Certainty of death: I really don't know, but I've seen lots of cop shows where they say "His blood alcohol level was high enough that he should have been dead, I'm not sure how he drove home."

Wimp option: I would guess that you could be revived if your stomach is pumped quickly enough.

Other points: I've been told that Everclear is the way to do this. Apparently it only takes a couple of shots before you are risking your life. All in all, it doesn't sound like a terribly reliable means.

 

…urinate…teguk…urinate…teguk…urinate…teguk…kacang mede…enak…dasar beer sialan, siapa sih yang nemuin beer? Kok bisa bikin minuman seaneh ini, rasanya, sensasinya, efeknya, obrolannya…

Obrolannya dengan Samantha.

 

          Niskala           : Rasamu mengingatkanku pada keriangan gelap masa kecilku.

 

            Samantha      : Rasamu sama saja dengan rasa Joey, rasa biseks.

         

          Niskala           : Ha..ha..ha.. aku suka humormu yang seperti itu. Membuatku kangen terus-terusan sama kamu.

 

            Samantha      : Niskala, sudahlah…temui If, berhenti mabuk. Dia sangat mencintaimu.

 

          Niskala           : Tapi kau akan menemui aku lagi kan?

 

            Samantha      : Iya, gimana nanti… ayo sekarang kamu tidur dulu. Janji, kamu besok harus temui If.

 

          Niskala           : Ya, aku janji. (telunjuk dan jari tengahnya terangkat, jumlahnya delapan)



[1] Kelak mereka bertiga memang akan meluncurkan album sepeninggal Niskala, tanpa Niskala, tapi masih dengan beberapa lagu yang masih tertinggal dalam file-file di laptop Niskala, dengan additional seorang drummer mantan personil The Prisoneros, setelah itu Samantha Impossible Dream benar-benar bubar dan mereka bertiga plus sang drummer, bernama Dix, membuat band baru bernama The Psoriasis. Baca Fanfict Edisi 2 pada Dix and The Psoriasis, Ujianto Sadewa.


Blog EntryMonotonitas[1]Feb 13, '08 1:02 AM
for everyone

Dalam gelap dua dunia…

Menunggu pagi terhengkang…

Kuikuti irama bumi tercengkeram mati, dua arah dan terhempas

Jelas terhempas…

Dua arah…

 

Darah tercecer dan mengalir…

Dari janin suci dua nabi…

Tentang dua benda, terpisah amat jauh

Yang satu belahan dari satunya

Dan satu…satunya

 

Hanya awan...

Hanya kelip cahaya…

Membutakan…

Sebelah mataku

Tapi kicau burung…

Yang menjadi mitos…

Membutakan…

Seluruh mataku

Seluruh mataku

Seluruh mataku…

 

Drama tak akan berhenti…

Kematian demi kematian…

Terus menggorok lubang nafas bumi yang menangis; api menangis-padam-membakar air matanya…

Selamanya

 

Dan untuk benar atau salah

Aku tak peduli

Biarlah tuhan sibuk dengan pekerjaannya

Biarlah iman ini menjadi milik sang waktu

Sebab aku adalah tak ada…

 

Aku sudah mencapai titik nihil*

Titik dimana ilmu pengetahuan belum lahir

Peradaban dan kebudayaan belum lahir

Dan aku  bukanlah apa-apa…

 

*)dari sebuah percakapan



[1] Ada 4 band yang kemudian membawakan lagu ini, The Outsider dengan kekuatan Psycho-Bluesnya, Kimung pada Bass, Ogoy pada Gitar dan Erik pada Drum. Samantha School dengan Gemuruh elektroniknya serta kematangan pada psikedelisasi setiap bunyi, Yoppie pada Program, Alvin pada Program, Hentakan-hentakan gitar, dan eksperimentasi psikedelik, Wildan pada Drum, Evan pada Bass, Viky pada Melodi Gitar dan Percobaan-percobaan efek, Tigor pada Bass, Aness menjadi additional vocal. Silent Prophet (band dari Ubud, Bali) dengan kegaharan musik grunge pada awal 90-an, penolakan terhadap konsep rockstar, Thor pada melodi Gitar, Yoppie pada Akustik Gitar, Mame pada Bass, Sebastian pada Drum. Earthandthewonderingsoul Project, dengan dengingan elektronis dan vokal blues wanita yang jazzy, Thera pada Vokal, Lelana pada Laptop.


Blog EntryMethod: ImmolationFeb 13, '08 1:00 AM
for everyone

 

Recommendation: **********

Effort required: a bit of effort will be required to manage to get enough flammable material on you.

Messiness: somewhat. this is pretty much the only method that cleans up the body, but it also leaves a huge scorch mark.

Pain factor: if you have to ask, don't bother.

Drama: if you can remain absolutely calm, and nobody puts you out, and you included enough flammable materials to scorch your body, nothing could possibly be more dramatic. keep in mind that your last few seconds on earth will be gasoline soaked if you choose this accelerant.

Certainty of death: a mere splashing of gasoline will probably just badly burn you without even threatening your life. sitting on a large pile of branches with plenty of air flow and lots of flammable liquid is probably a good idea.

Wimp option: breathing will scorch your lungs. this will ensure at least a slow death. otherwise, you will probably be able to survive if you hurry.

Other points: Besides deciding whether or not to breathe, the other thing to think about is whether or not to keep your eyes open. They will quickly dry out and distort before ceasing to function. If you have your eyes closed, your eyelids will quickly burn off anyway. Your hair will go first, though. (Come to think about it, you might consider investing in a video camera.)


Blog EntryMethod: DrowningFeb 13, '08 12:57 AM
for everyone

 

Recommendation: ****

Effort required: some. presumably you will require a weight heavy enough to sink you, or some other preparation, if you don't naturally sink.

Messiness: variable but probably pretty bad. if it takes more than a couple of days to find your body, things will get ugly.

Pain factor: what, are you crazy? unless you can achieve a high degree of Zen detachment this will really suck.

Drama: if you can manage to relax and drift off to sleep as your lungs fill with water, it could be quite beautiful and peaceful under water.

Certainty of death: quite high. if you sink yourself via weights you won't survive. it's also really hard to find drowning victims if you are attempting to save them.

Wimp option: not too bad if you bring a knife to cut the rope tied to your leg. just make sure you have enough strength to swim back.

Other points: If you aren't found quickly, this will provide an incredibly disgusting surprise for some poor sap. Imagine leeches, crayfish, etc. In addition, you could skip the whole water part, and just tie a plastic bag around your head. Drama is reduced a bit as the bag will fog up a lot and look kind of silly. Remember to brush your teeth if you decide on this method. Actually the plastic bag is a recommended (by Kevorkian) addition to most non-violent suicide methods.


Blog EntryMethod: BleedingFeb 13, '08 12:56 AM
for everyone

 

Recommendation: **********

Effort required: not very much set up time, but cutting enough holes to ensure death will take some time. you should probably practice a bit first.

Messiness: pretty darn messy. picture an ice-cream pail of blood turned over where you are sitting.

Pain factor: pretty high. slow cuts are surprisingly painful. a sharp blade will reduce this somewhat. soon your heart will be pounding like crazy and you will get really cold before passing out.

Drama: extremely dramatic, even if you survive. wrist scars look cool on anybody.

Certainty of death: not real great. if you cut perpendicular to your wrist veins, you will probably survive. if you cut along the length of your wrist veins they will probably not be able to close up again. even faster and more certain are the inner elbow and the femoral artery.

Wimp option: it should be several minutes until you pass out. you could recover fully during any of this time by firmly bandaging or tourniqueting your cuts.

Other points: Anti-coagulants would go a long way if you know what to take. (Apparently aspirin is a good one.) Try to avoid mangling your finger tendons and carpal tunnels too badly. Hara kiri (slitting your intestines open with a short sword so that you make a Z-shaped cut, also called "seppuku") is considered one of the most painful ways to kill yourself. Cutting open your carotid arteries greatly speeds your death, but I would guess will probably ensure a stroke if you survive. Flowing warm water prevents blood vessels from resealing.


Blog EntryMethod: Drug OverdoseFeb 13, '08 12:54 AM
for everyone

 

Recommendation: ******

Effort required: small. try not to buy more than one bottle of sleeping pills from a single store.

Messiness: pretty messy. you will probably barf up whatever you ate.

Pain factor: unpredictable. anywhere from none to quite high.

Drama: not too bad. you will probably peacefully fade off to sleep, but may just end up puking your guts out. points for tradition.

Certainty of death: a bit risky. people are always coming home at the wrong time. if you don't slump over with a bottle of pills or drool blood, you will probably be assumed to be asleep. mixing drugs with alcohol will improve efficiency. tying a plastic bag over your head will guarantee death, though.

Wimp option: a bit dicey after you start chugging them down. drinking milk may help a bit until you can induce vomiting. the name of the game is limiting the amount taken into the blood stream. some drugs like Tylenol will destroy your liver fairly quickly, causing an agonizing death in days to weeks.

Other points: Sleeping pills are the classic method, of course. Tranquilizers and prescription pain medication work great, but are hard to come by. When shopping, pay attention to the amount of medication per pill vs. the size of the pill. Smaller pills with more medicine means a greater chance of death. Also, look for warning labels that suggest that the product is a downer and should not be taken with alcohol. ...and now a note about heroin.


Blog Entry17 Rahasia JoeyFeb 13, '08 12:49 AM
for everyone

 

(pasti tokcer…! ;-))

 

Rahasia 1.

 

            Ini yang paling tidak dijaga Joey, artinya apabila teman-temannya pada akhirnya tahu, dia gak begitu peduli. Ini tidak pernah terpikirkan sebelumnya oleh Joey sebagai sebuah rahasia, tapi kemudian, karena Joey takut kehilangan hal ini maka Joey menyembunyikannya dari dunia kecuali kamarnya.

            Ya, Samantha. Inilah rahasia Joey yang pertama. Samantha yang sangat dicintainya. Samantha yang selalu terbaring disampingnya saat malam-malam bersalju.

 

Rahasia 2.

Niskala, ini yang kedua.

 

Rahasia 3.

            Asal-usul keluarganya.

 

Rahasia 4.

            5 cm tanda lahir di selangkangannya.

 

Rahasia 5.

            Kematian rekan kerjanya pada sebuah malam

 

Rahasia 6.

            Mencuri lolly pop kakaknya saat dia berumur 6 tahun.

 

Rahasia 7.

            Harta karun di sebuah pulau.

 

Rahasia 8.

            Keterlibatannya dalam tragedy Trisakti dan Tragedi Semanggi 1 dan 2

 

Rahasia 9.

            Drugs

 

Rahasia 10.

            Ditampar seorang wanita pada suatu pagi

 

Rahasia 11.

            Onani sambil melihat wajah Terra Patrick dan Asia Carerra saat kuliah di UI dulu.

 

Rahasia 12.

            Punya passport palsu

 

Rahasia 13.

            Pernah ngejam secara dadakan di sebuah café di ubud dengan eddy veder, ini harus dirahasiakan, sebab bakal bikin sirik anak-anak yang lagi bikin petisi kepada pearl jam supaya mau ke Indonesia, padahal Eddy Veder sering banget datang ke Ubud untuk dalam rangka pertemuannya dengan para aktivis dan petinggi-petinggi LSM di seluruh dunia yang diadakan secara rahasia setiap dua tahun sekali.

           

Rahasia 14

            Pernah masuk rumah sakit jiwa

 

Rahasia 15

            Pernah diculik oleh sebuah organisasi rahasia

 

Rahasia 16

            Pernah di cuci otak

 

Rahasia 17